Mess Neutral

I have some New Year’s resolutions.

Despite naturally having no resolve, I have never been able to resist the allure of resolution season, much in the same way that the tone deaf and mildly psychotic cannot resist the allure of X-Factor auditions.  We all have dreams.

Typically, my #1 resolution is to stop biting my fingernails.  This only happened once, while I was at university, because I think that was the only time in my life when I wasn’t bored.  Others will vary: last year’s primary goal was to be mess neutral, which obviously was doomed to failure.  One year I had a list of approx. 35 resolutions, including learning to break-dance, because Robert and I had spent New Year’s Eve spinning on our backs on wooden floors, listening to musical soundtracks.  I’m not entirely sure musicals and break-dancing go together, but if the dance phenomenon of Mu-Hop ever broke out, I’d like to be in the vanguard.  Or at least I would if I’d kept the resolution.

This year, I’m keeping it simple.

Resolution #1: To post on blog twice a week

Chance of happening: 0%

It’s quite some time since I posted anything at all, and now to declare I will do something that would amount to a total of 100 posts over a single year sounds rather unlikely doesn’t it?  Yes, I agree.  However, there is something that niggles at me that it’s useful to have a drivel outlet, and anyway, I will endeavour to cheat as much as possible.  Expect a vast array of bi-weekly single-line entries such as “My Favourite Palindrome” and “Good Lesbian Films.”

Resolution #2: To do some exercise.  Like, maybe once.

Chance of happening: 50%

Somewhere between the sluggish, blubbery masses and the maniacal, hardcore gym evangelists, there is a golden sub-section of the population with a healthy glow, that partakes in wholesome physical activities, possibly in white vests and shorts akin to a wartime keep-fit film.  Possibly a Nazi one.  Anyway, there is vigorous frolicking aplenty going on in this country, to which I am not party.

These people talk about how their bizarre physical activities make them feel good and give them energy, which obviously makes me highly suspicious.  However, I am curious, and the potential benefits seem good enough that I really should try to exercise at least once this year, to remind myself what it feels like.

Resolution #3: Abandon comfortable yet tedious middle-class lifestyle and blow savings travelling round America for 6-12 months.

Chance of happening: 100%

Compared to the previous two, this one looks rather ambitious, doesn’t it?  It’s rather less ambition and more necessity.  I shall talk about this more another time.