Mess Neutral

Since mentioning last time about bizarrely boob-centric search terms leading stray pervs to this blog, it has been brought to my attention that this is the number one site listed under blogs in Google for the search term “breasts aplenty.”

Number one!

I am strangely moved by this.  I have never been number one at anything. I remember bemoaning this fact to my friend Jo in the pub one night, that even the things I am quite good at, such as sitting down or being messy, I’m not anywhere near the best at them.

Now I have hit this pinnacle, I am overwhelmed by both power and the fear of losing it.  I’m starting to empathise with Mubarak and Gadaffi.

So, I am faced with no other choice but to start inserting random breast-related imagery into posts, in order to maintain my number one status.  There can be no better way to get this ball rolling (or pendulous orb swinging), than with this excellent video, linked to me a couple of weeks ago by my friend Yuri.

Never will you be able to hear a “whoop” noise again without it triggering some…happy thoughts.

I dearly hope all of Japan is recovering ok from their recent and ongoing disasters.

On a final note, if anyone even contemplates making their own breasts aplenty blog to topple this, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND CUT YOUR FACE.

So I tried to make a case to someone last month that February was a worthwhile month, that it had redeeming features, that it wasn’t just another 4 weeks of winter tribulations to be endured instead of lived.

And I meant it, I really did.  Sometimes you are describing things to people, things like how this is a great company to work for or how these vegetables are good for you or how yes, everything in my life of privilege and plenty is going swimmingly.  And you mean it but you don’t feel it; it’s the truth but not your truth.

So for the most part the month passed drearily and with so little incident it probably created an incident vortex and will suck the life out of March too.  Really, when people start complaining at the end of Autumn about how quickly the year’s gone and how soon Christmas is coming, you should turn round and scream at them well that’s what happens when you waste the first 60 days of the year doing fuck all.

Anyway, now I will attempt to dredge the sewerage of the mundane for traces of gems, or at the very least some cubic zirconium that fell off an Elizabeth Duke necklace.

BAD THINGS

- Spent probably over 50% of the month in bed, in order to avoid doing anything. Sometimes I wish I had a viable reason for being in bed so much.

I used to think the song that best described my attitude to life was Waking Up by Elastica.  It mentions cups of tea and playing records and has the line if I can’t be a star I won’t get out of bed. Which sounds perfect, as I was mentioning only last time about the allure of horizantally-based employment.

But now I am wondering: what if I really did make a living working in bed (salaciously or otherwise)?  Then it would stop being the refuge of inactivity that it currently is, and I’d have to do stuff, and it would lose its lethargic allure.  I don’t really know what else to say about this, other than if I ever have to turn to sex work, it would have to be lap-dancing only (although I am way underskilled for that).

NEUTRAL THINGS

- I just noticed that someone found this blog using the search term “breasts aplenty.”  I don’t think I have written those words anywhere, so I am now concerned that GOOGLE CAN READ MY MIND.

GOOD THINGS

- Went to performance of Ravel’s Mother Goose suite courtesy of Robert (thank you my sassy man).

- Discovered, via my father’s boundless handyman skills, that the cause of my washing machine woes was a tiny allen key, of the sort I use at work for rank-mounting machines.  I wonder if maybe there is a voodoo doll of me somewhere, that someone is poking millions of those allen keys into.  Also I hope that by using the words “rack-mounted” I attract some more boob-loving pervs.